Embrace it.

Hi. it's been a while. To be honest with you; I have been attempting to sit and write this for a while; but I believe the past month of my life was necessary before I truly could write about this; I needed to experience more of "it".

I'm here to talk about seasons. Not the weather, (though this fall weather has been incredible), but about seasons of our life, especially the one we currently are in. October 5th was one of the longest days of my life. I sat by my grandmothers bedside roughly all day; talking to her, sharing memories and comforting her. That evening on my way back to the nursing home I got the phone call I didn't ever expect. I was five minutes away when my father stated "she passed away." On October 5th at 6:16, I lost one of my best friends. One of the longest days of my life full of tears ended with anger. Sincere anger as I screamed in my car five minutes away; yelling to God and asking why. Why on a random Wednesday did this have to happen.

Anger turned to numbness as the days went on, and after a week I had no feeling for anything. I didn't have joy, I didn't have anger, I didn't have sadness, I didn't have hope. People continued to ask me how I was and informed me if I needed anything to reach out, and I responded with "im okay, thanks". There just wasn't anything left.

A few weeks after, I experienced the most incredible breathless remarkable moment of my life. My lovely boyfriend got down on one knee and asked me the question I sincerely never thought someone would. Of course the whole water works began and an abundance of joy filled my body as I realized I truly get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

As the days have continued; life has been straight up weird. It's been hard to grieve with the loss of my grandmother, celebrate our engagement and marriage, do all the lasts of college as its my senior year and wrestle and understand my emotions through it all. Don't get me wrong; this is truly an exciting season of my life and if you would have told me a year ago this is what would be happening I would have entirely laughed at you. It is so surreal and one I won't ever get back, but it honestly was leaving me feeling numb.

These past few weeks, The Lord has truly taught me to pause. We are not meant to fly through life, not feel anything and move quickly from one thing to the next. Some seasons are longer than others, some seasons don't make sense, some seasons it feels like nothing is happening, other seasons it feels like things don't stop happening. But through it all; the Lord wants us to embrace it. Trust him. Yield to him. Ask him questions. This life is not our own and we must submit, obey and press on despite the confusion, the hurt, the questions and the pain. This season of my life truly doesn't make sense to me yet. I feel like so many big things are happening and throughout the middle of each one is a numbness until the next big thing occurs. But I have learned to abide with him. He has taught me to sit with him. He knows what He is doing and He is faithful in every season. In the midst of every part, He will provide, bring me joy and keep me safe no matter the season nor the things happening. I am learning to feel all the things. It is okay to still grieve as other things are happening. It is okay to celebrate what the Lord has provided for you, it is okay to not know what is next, it is okay to not understand. The Lord works in the midst of it all.

Embrace every moment of your season, no matter what one you are in.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."